You second-guess yourself a lot. You wonder if you remembered things right. You apologize often. You ask yourself if you are being too much.
This kind of self-doubt can feel like a personal problem. Like something is wrong with you. But most of the time, it is not about you at all. It is about what has been happening around you.
Self-doubt is often learned
When someone regularly tells you that you are wrong, too sensitive, or overreacting, your brain starts to believe it. Over time you stop trusting your own judgment. You start looking to your partner to tell you what is real.
This does not happen overnight. It builds slowly. By the time you notice it, it can feel like it has always been this way.
Signs your self-doubt is being made worse by your relationship
- You felt more confident before this relationship
- You often feel confused after arguments
- You apologize but are not sure what you did wrong
- Your partner often tells you that you are remembering things wrong
- You feel more certain of yourself when your partner is not around
- You have stopped sharing your opinions because it leads to conflict
What healthy self-doubt looks like
There is a version of self-doubt that is healthy. It means you are open to being wrong. You think before you speak. You consider other people's feelings.
That kind of self-doubt does not make you feel small. It does not make you feel scared to have an opinion. And it does not get worse the longer you are in a relationship.
What you can do
Start paying attention to when the self-doubt shows up. Is it mostly around your partner? Does it ease up when you are with friends or family?
Talking to a therapist can help you understand where the doubt is coming from. You deserve to trust yourself again.